The Finisher Combo That Helped Me Quit Gaming Addiction
How many times has it happened to you?
You’re getting in a little playtime to unwind, relax, and have some fun. You’ve been at the grind all day with school or work and you deserve some time to yourself. You pick up to the controller or sit down at your PC and start up a video game.
Maybe it’s a playthrough of Baldur’s Gate III, getting off some headshots in the latest Call of Duty, or raiding with your friends in World of Warcraft.
You tell yourself you’ll just play for an hour. Maybe two at the most. Or you measure progress in a different way – just a level or two, or just a couple of raids (which can range from 30 minutes to several hours). You just need to relax a little before you get on to the housework, making dinner, or going to bed.
One or two hours turns into three. Then four. Five.
“Just one level” becomes another, and another, and another. Or you keep getting stuck and now you’re not just trying to beat a level. It’s your mission to beat that level. Now it’s personal, because you’ve got to show that game who’s boss!
Or maybe you’re really immersed in the story and want to see what happens next. Then you’ll save and turn it off.
Oh, but this is really good! Well, maybe just a little more wouldn’t hurt…
Before you know it, you’re looking at the clock and realizing it’s 3 hours before you have to get up. You head to bed while beating yourself up inside. You tell yourself that is the last time that will ever happen.
And then it happens again the next night, and the night after that.
What is gaming addiction?
Gaming addiction can be hard to define. It’s not a recognized disorder in the DSM-V, but it is a proposed category in the DSM-V-TR. Listed as “Internet Gaming Disorder,” the following criteria has been proposed for consideration:
A preoccupation with games, such as thinking about previous games or getting to play games, such that it becomes the dominant activity in daily life.
Withdrawal symptoms when gaming is taken away or given up, such as irritability, anxiety, or sadness.
An increase in tolerance that requires increased time spent gaming to feel satisfied.
Unsuccessful attempts to control gaming habits.
Loss of interest in other hobbies and entertainment.
It’s important to keep in mind that this is simply a proposed diagnosis. Gaming can also be a way to cope with other diagnosable problems such as anxiety, depression, or even post-traumatic stress disorder. Used as a coping tool, it can be compared to someone who may use alcohol as an unhelpful way to deal with anxiety even if they don’t meet all of the criteria for a diagnosis of Alcohol Use Disorder.
In my work with clients, I often start by boiling things down to a very simple question.
Does your use of video games, the time you spend playing them, and the effects of your use cause you distress or problems?
If your answer to that question is yes, or even maybe, it’s worth talking to someone about your concerns.
When does gaming become a problem?
It can be easy to dismiss concerns about gaming addiction as just a bunch of hype. After all, millions of people can pick up and put down video games without any problem. They can be a great source of entertainment, storytelling, art, and even community. Many people cite games like Persona 5 as inspiring them to make changes in their life or described being emotionally moved by games like Undertale, A Night in the Woods, or Spirit of the North. Games such as Okami, Flower, and Journey have been hailed as works of art. Many people across the globe find community and connection with games like World of Warcraft, Fortnite, and Helldivers 2.
But for some people, gaming becomes a problem when it gets in the way of the rest of their life. Gaming starts to take up more time in their life and thoughts as a way to escape from stress and worry and impacts their work, their relationships, and even their health. Some of the potential problems include:
Sacrificing sleep for more game time. (“Sleep is for the weak” is a common phrase in online spaces.)
Spending that would normally be used for meal preparation for gaming, resulting in an increased consumption of fast food and delivery – which can affect health, weight, and even finances.
Showing up late for class or work due to lack of sleep or even calling in sick frequently to catch up on sleep - or even spend more time gaming.
Gaming instead of doing household tasks such as laundry and cleaning.
Ignoring basic hygiene due to distraction with games.
Gaming instead of doing homework or working on papers, theses, or dissertations.
Gaming instead of going to see real-world friends.
Online friends are valued more than real-world friends, which has been made worse by the disconnect we experienced during the COVID-19 pandemic.
To put it simply, gaming can become a problem when it stops being a thing you do on occasion for enjoyment and starts getting in the way of all of the other things you need or want to do in your life.
I Know Because I Was There
If you recognize your own problems in any of the above statements, I want to emphasize that it is totally understandable how this could have happened.
Because I was once there myself.
Video games are an intoxicating way of distracting yourself from the stress of your daily life. The problem is when it stops being a momentary distraction and takes you away from genuinely living your life. Besides the escape gaming offers, it can become a big part of your daily routine. This can make it even more challenging to quit because you’ll have to create all new routines that don’t involve gaming.
That’s a big task!
You might also run into an additional challenge if gaming is also a big part of your social life. The idea of giving it up, or even playing less, can bring up fears of loneliness or feeling like you are letting your friends, team, or guild down.
While none of this is an excuse to put off the hard work of beating game addiction, I do want you to cut yourself some slack if you’ve tried to give it up without success. There is a lot more you’re up against here than simply using grit, determination, and raw willpower to break the pattern you’ve been living in for several years or even a decade or two – or more.
Beating gaming addiction isn’t just about willpower. Being a gamer may be a part of your identity.
Giving up gaming can feel like you’re giving up a big part of who you are. You may even fear feeling lonely without games.
How to Beat Gaming Addiction – The Usual Answers
If you’ve read my article on How to Stop Doomscrolling for Real you might recognize what I’m about to do here. We’re going to briefly cover some of the usual answers before I drop my own special finisher combo on you.
If you look at most sites related to gaming addiction, you’ll probably see very similar things about treating it. These often include:
Learning to recognize your triggers and addictive behavior patterns.
Understand the damage gaming addiction is doing to your real life.
Reducing the amount of time spent gaming a little bit at a time, rather than stopping all at once.
Use timers or alarms to help you know when you’ve played for a certain amount of time.
Developing strategies to overcome your behaviors such as distracting yourself with reading, walks, exercise, or working on projects.
These are all very good suggestions and can be important parts of your gaming addiction recovery plan, but they don’t necessarily build on your reasons for gaming, your unique strengths, and the things that will help motivate you to change. Many other websites also mention that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is considered effective in the treatment of gaming addiction, though CBT doesn’t work for everyone and, depending on the therapist, may miss important elements that are part of my finisher combo.
I also want to highlight some of these things may also be difficult to do on your own. While you can absolutely solo learning to recognize your triggers, coming up with appropriate responses, and understanding the deeper reasons why you might be using gaming as a means of escape or avoidance from other life stressors, it will be a lot easier and quicker if you get the help of a trained therapist.
Because alarms can be ignored and it can be easy to make excuses for why you’ll play a little longer than the reduced time you set for yourself.
Like I said, I know this because I was right there in the same place as you.
How to Beat Gaming Addiction – My Special Finisher Combo
While the advice mentioned above is helpful, it’s also incredibly generic and doesn’t offer much on how to help you as an individual craft your gaming addiction recovery toolkit. It’s like filling your inventory with a lot of items that might be useful at some point, but might also still be in your storage by the end of the game.
So here are the key parts of my Special Finisher Combo for gaming addiction:
Move 1 - Name your fears about giving up gaming.
Move 2 - Create a vision of the person you want to become.
Move 3 - Identify the things you enjoy about gaming.
Move 4 - Identify how you can get those things outside of gaming.
Bonus Move - Come up with a relapse plan.
Move 1 - Name your fears about giving up gaming.
This first part is important because it helps to be honest and aware about what you’re afraid you’ll experience as you give up gaming. This is similar to identifying your triggers, such as using it as a distraction when you feel anxious, but it helps to really name what you’re anxious about. This might also involve exploring the things you’re struggling with that led you to use gaming as a coping tool.
You might ask yourself questions like:
What (or who) are you avoiding by playing games so much? Do games help you put off studying because of test anxiety? Are you using them to avoid dealing with a difficult relationship with your spouse or partner? Does it distract you from feelings of sadness?
How are you afraid you’ll feel without games? Are you worried you’ll be bored or have too much time to think anxious thoughts? What will you do with your time instead? (We’ll get to that below.)
Are you worried you’ll feel lonely because games are your main way of socializing? Are you afraid your friends will pressure you to go back to gaming?
Are you afraid you won’t know who you are or have a sense of identity without video games?
Asking yourself these questions and exploring your fears can help reveal what else may be at the heart of your gaming problem. Keep in mind, these can be very hard questions and it can be challenging to come up with genuine answers. This is when having the help of a therapist, a trusted friend, or one of the online gaming recovery communities can be helpful.
Move 2 - Create a vision of the person you want to become.
Now that you’ve identified the things you fear will happen as you give up gaming, it’s time to do the opposite and look at the things you have to gain from the work ahead. Quitting gaming addiction once and for all is likely to involve some big life changes. You’re not just giving up gaming, you’re opening a chunk of time in your schedule and your life. It can feel like you’re giving up a part of who you are right now.
You’re going to be reinventing yourself.
I talk about this more in my article about Outcome-Oriented Counseling. Having a vision for the person you want to become and the outcome you desire gives you a sense of direction. This idea of what you want to move toward helps you create a plan with more concrete steps than, “I need to stop gaming.” This sets you up for small, manageable steps that create a feeling of forward motion and success.
The old you might be someone would have stayed up late playing 4 or 5 hours playing games to “relax and unwind” before bed then had trouble falling asleep because they were anxious about having trouble sleeping.
The new you you’re working toward might be someone who has a good nighttime routine, enjoys quiet music and stretching before bed so they can get up at a reasonable hour for an easy, relaxing morning rather than rushing to class or work. I know that, for myself, I enjoy a good 30 minutes of watching samurai films while sipping coffee from my favorite mug instead of downing it in a travel cup during a hurried commute.
Move 3 - Identify the things you enjoy about gaming.
When I finally admitted I had a problem with gaming, I decided to sit down and figure out what I actually enjoyed in the games I played. That way, I had a better idea of the kinds of rewarding experiences I was going to need to replace. This is going to look different for everyone depending on the things that motivate you and the kinds of games you play, but my own list included:
Playing games like Skyrim and Oblivion because I enjoyed the outdoor scenery compared to sci-fi games in urban settings. I used The Hunter as a walking simulator for relaxing “nature walks” at night before bed.
Playing a ranger-style class because I liked using bows and arrows rather than sword and shield. I enjoyed the challenge of sniping targets from afar.
The sense of skill development, growth, and improvement. (Online games often leverage this to keep you hooked, subscribed, and making in-game purchases.)
Embodying values that were important to me, such as service and honor, through my characters. I was one of those players who couldn’t do an “evil” play through because I wanted to help all of the NPCs.
Seeing the stories unfold.
Looking at all of the art and design that went into the games to inspire my own drawings.
Think about the games you enjoy playing most and write down a list. Once you have that list, brainstorm about why you enjoy those games. The more specific you are, the better.
Move 4 - Identify how you can get those things outside of gaming.
This is the true missing piece to much of the advice out there about breaking gaming addiction – what is going to give you some of the same things you get from gaming but without playing video games? Many sites give you very generic advice like reading, exercise, or a new hobby. But what would you read? How would you exercise? What hobbies would you enjoy?
If you enjoy conquering puzzle games, a new hobby like bird watching may not be for you. If you want to exercise but hate the idea of lifting weights, especially if you’re fond of stealth classes, you may want to look into natural movement, animal flows, yoga, or martial arts. If you love sci-fi games for the storylines, reading sci-fi is probably going to be more rewarding than reading self-help books.
The trick is to find activities that build on the things you enjoy in the games you play but deliver similar rewards in ways that don’t involve gaming.
Look at the list you made of the things you enjoy from gaming and start thinking about ways you can get similar thrills and rewards in other ways. Don’t worry about whether or not they’re realistic at this point in time. Don’t throw an idea out because it would require more finances than you have, overcoming social anxiety, or learning a whole new skill set like rock climbing. Do a brain dump on the page that you can sift through later.
Exploring the White Rock wilderness management area in Arkansas instead of wandering around Skyrim.
Just to give you some examples, my replacement activities looked like this:
Instead of playing video games to enjoy the outdoor setting, I started spending more time outdoors (crazy idea, right?) I learned to track animals and started spending more time at state parks going off the trails into the woods to explore.
Since I enjoyed ranger classes, I got a basic bow and started learning archery. This also got me outside as well.
Learning some basic bushcraft and primitive fire-making as a way to enjoy some other challenges and skill-building that didn’t involve games.
Reading actual books instead of playing games for stories. I also watched videos of the cutscenes for some games so I could see the story without actually playing the game if I really wanted to know what happened.
Once you have a list, see what jumps out at you. Are there ones that are more short-term, like getting into a book series? Are there ones that might give you something to work on over time, like learning a new sport or taking up miniatures painting for tabletop skirmish games? If you’re a fan of farming games like Stardew Valley, what would it be like to grow your own vegetables or even just some herbs on your window?
You might even set a long-term goal that gives you further reason to change your life in ways that make something big possible. For me, it’s training in Iaido and learning Japanese to be able to go train with the headmaster of my school in Kyoto.
Keep in mind that it may also involve some experimenting. There’s no shame in trying something new, deciding you don’t like it, and moving on to something else.
Bonus Move - Come up with a relapse recovery plan.
Creating a relapse plan is an important part of addiction recovery - because it’s typically not a question of if a relapse will happen but when. With a recovery plan in place, you can bounce back from a setback with direction, clarity, and self-compassion.
A relapse recovery plan will typically involve several important components:
Signs of relapse - This can be especially important if your plan involves scaling back gaming a bit at a time rather than stopping all at once. Put simply, this is a list of the things you’ll notice that tell you that you’ve gone back to old habits and patterns so you can catch it early and respond.
What you’ll do when this happens - This is where a lot of addiction recovery plans fail, because you’re not thinking clearly when you’re really struggling or feeling down on yourself for having a setback. Identifying these in advance helps you know what to do when the cravings happen.
Self-compassion - Give yourself some understanding when you have a setback instead of beating yourself up or calling yourself a loser and giving up. It’s important to note this is not the same as making excuses, because you’re still acknowledging you made a choice to break from your recovery plan. But you’re acknowledging it’s an understandable part of the process rather than looking at it as total failure.
Bringing It All Together
All of the suggestions you’ll find for quitting game addiction can be helpful when applied with planning, intentionality, and an understanding what is going to work for you. I tried them all and they were all helpful to one degree or another, but none of them really made the difference enough to help me challenge my patterns of living. The usual advice helped put some controls in place, but none of it really motivated me to actually make change in my life.
It wasn’t until I unlocked my Special Finisher Combo that I was able to beat my own gaming addiction. Tapping into my unique reasons for gaming and finding out how to connect with those things in other ways was what finally leveled up my skills enough to beat the final boss of addiction once and for all. It was the hidden unlockable that helped fire me up about living a life away from the computer screen.
Hopefully, it will help you beat the game and achieve your goals as well.
Are You Struggling With Gaming Addiction in Arkansas?
Gaming addiction can be a hard boss to solo. You might feel like you’ve been playing the same level over and over in an attempt to overcome your problems. It could be time to summon some help and go co-op to make some real, lasting change. Working together, we’ll craft the items, slot the gems, and fill your inventory with custom tools to level up your life.
Click the button below to summon my assistance in your quest. You’ll be able to send me a message or access my calendar to go ahead and schedule a free, 20-minute phone consultation to see if we’re a good fit.