How to Find an LGBTQ+ Therapist That’s Right for You
Finding a therapist can be challenging under the best circumstances.
This is especially true if you’re new to therapy. Chances are, you’re already stressed by the things that have you considering counseling - whether that’s dealing with anxiety or depression, navigating big life changes, or just trying to get your life back on track. With more therapy options out there than ever before, the process can feel confusing and overwhelming.
First, there are the basics that most people consider when looking for mental health care. These can be things like:
Do they take your insurance or offer rates that work with your finances?
Do they offer in-person or online counseling sessions, depending on your preference?
Do they have experience with the kind of problems you’re facing?
Are they presently taking new clients?
Then there is the process itself, which often involves searching online or asking around for referrals and then contacting each therapist to talk with them about your needs and their services. You’re already feeling nervous and vulnerable about the idea of therapy and now, to make matters worse, you have to do research and sift through your options. The thought of reaching out to someone and telling them you’re looking for a therapist can feel scary, especially if you’re struggling with social anxiety or have had bad experiences with therapists in the past.
These Challenges Can Feel Bigger When You’re Part of the LGBTQ+ Community
Being a member of the LGBTQ+ community or looking for a therapist because you are unsure about your sexuality or gender identity, adds an extra layer of challenge.
You might worry that you will experience nothing but rejection if you share details about yourself or your problems that reveal you are a member of the community. You may have concerns about therapists being unsupportive, not understanding your situation, or being judgmental about you.
It can also be affected by where you live and your experiences with different communities. While a person who lives in California, New York, or Washington state may feel a little more confident about finding an LGBTQ+ therapist, people who live in “conservative” states, rural areas and small communities, or in southern states may have concerns about the kind of people who become therapists in the area.
For example, there are many therapists here in Arkansas who market themselves as “Christian counselors.” Many of them are lovely people and great therapists, but that term alone might make you worry if you’ve experienced persecution by religious groups for your sexuality or gender identity.
What Can You Do to Find an LGBTQ+ Therapist?
There are plenty of resources online about finding a therapist in general, but how do you actually find one that you can feel good about approaching or even working with? Here are seven tips that go beyond the basics like insurance, rates, and availability to help you in your search for an LGBTQ+ therapist.
Tip 1: Consider Your Goals
While it may seem obvious to think about the kind of things you hope to get out of counseling, this is often an overlooked detail when people are looking for a therapist. Many people say things like, “I just want to be happy,” but what does that really mean to you? How would you be acting differently? How would your relationships be different? What would you be doing less of, or more of?
It's okay if you aren’t super clear on your goals, though. Looking at what we want more of in life rather than less of from our problems isn’t something that comes naturally to everyone – and the longer you’ve lived with a problem the harder it can be to think about what life might be like without it. Getting clear on what you want out of counseling may actually be the first thing you hope to get out of counseling!
If you’re looking for a therapist for LGBTQ+ related challenges such as questioning your sexuality, exploring your gender identity, or navigating same-sex dating and relationships then you might want a therapist who speaks about this in their profile or seems knowledgeable when you first talk with them. If you’re looking to explore hormone replacement therapy (HRT), you might look for a therapist who is connected with medical providers and endocrinologists in your area.
You may even be looking for a therapist for something totally unrelated to LGBTQ+ issues but still want to feel like you can talk about things without hiding details about yourself so that you can talk openly. It’s natural to worry that a therapist would assume that your problems are the result of your sexuality or gender rather than simply affected by them.
For example, you may have social anxiety that has no real relation to your sexuality, but fear of bigotry just makes it that much worse.
Tip 2: Use LGBTQ+ Resources and Filters to Your Advantage
While you might think to start looking for a therapist by typing “LGBTQ+ therapist near me,” there are resources available to help streamline your search. For example, the GLMA has the LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory where you can search by zip code for different providers in your area for mental as well as physical health support. There is also the National Queer & Trans Therapists of Color Network if you are also a person of color. Your local LGBTQ+ equality or pride organizations may also have a list of resources in your area.
Psychology Today is also a useful place to search with the help of a few filters. When you first go to their website, you’ll be prompted to enter your zip code to start a search in your area. Once you have the list, you can begin to use the filters at the top of the page to refine your search. Clicking the “All Filters” button will bring up the following menu that gives you options to choose to help identify only those therapists who fit what you’re looking for.
For example, if you want to specify therapists who identify LGBTQ+ issues in their profile, or as members of the community or allies, you can click the button to use that filter as shown below.
Click on the blue “All Filters” button on the right.
That will open a list of different choices you can scroll through to limit your search, including therapists who work with LGBTQ+ clients, specialize in working with transgender clients, and more.
Tip 3: Consider Qualities You Find Important in a Person
Many therapists’ profiles will describe the theories and techniques they use and talk about the things they feel passionate about. They may state things like how they use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT), or are trained in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) or Internal Family Systems Theory (IFS). They might talk about how they want you to be your authentic self, support you on your journey, and other industry buzz-phrases.
But it pays to consider the personal qualities you’d hope for in a therapist as well.
Do you want someone who will challenge you when other therapists have just nodded and smiled when you told them everything was fine when you were actually struggling? Do you want a therapist who very calm and soft-spoken or perhaps one who appreciates your use of humor and can even be a little rebellious? Do you want a therapist who has no problem with you cussing in session and maybe even drops a strategic F-bomb, themselves?
Would you prefer to find a therapist who has a personal history that overlaps with yours? For example, would you hope to find a therapist who has personally experienced post-partum depression? Or are you perhaps navigating coming out as bisexual while in a hetero-presenting marriage and would like to find a therapist who has personal experience with that?
While you may not be able to find a therapist that matches everything on your wish list, knowing what you would like beyond the kinds of problems they have experience with can help prepare you for the next tip.
Tip 4: Interview Your Therapist
That’s right! You get to interview them!
Many therapists offer a free consultation as a way to get to know you better and find out if they can provide you with what you’re looking for. If they don’t state this up front on their website, you can contact them or their clinic to see if you can arrange a time to talk more. A good phone consultation will focus on you and your questions rather than the therapist and their theories or techniques. The phone consultation often involves some practical details, such as your budget, insurance, and what you’re looking for, but it’s also a chance to feel things out and see if it seems like a good match.
It's important to remember that you are the one in power here. Research has shown the therapeutic relationship is the most important part of any counseling, much more so than what theories or techniques are being used. You want to feel good about the person you’re working with so that you can feel safe enough to open up and challenge yourself.
Ask the questions that will help you decide if a particular therapist feels like a good fit to you. If not, or if they are not open to your questions, it might be a sign to look elsewhere. On the other hand, if they’re not familiar with everything you want to work on but you have a good feeling about the possibilities, they may be worth trying out.
Insider Tip
Some therapists will list almost every problem they can on a site like Psychology Today because they want to help all kinds of people. And while their commitment to helping others is admirable, it doesn’t always mean they are the best therapist for you.
For example, a therapist may list themselves as working with LGBTQ+ issues because they want to be supportive but may not have experience working with the community. Or, they may not be familiar with more specialized concepts such as being aromantic or asexual. That doesn’t mean they’re not good therapists, but it may mean they’re just not a good fit for what you want in a therapist.
This is where it pays to ask them questions to see if they feel like a good fit for you. A good therapist will be honest with you about their qualifications for what you’re looking for. Many will also suggest others you might contact if they decide they’re not the right therapist for you.
Some questions you might consider asking include:
How many LGBTQ+ clients have you worked with?
How do you see LGBTQ+ issues affecting the problem I’m wanting to work on?
How do you typically work with internalized homophobia/transphobia/biphobia?
Have you worked with same-sex couples before?
I need a therapist who will help me process my anger about what is going on right now. Is it okay if we get political in sessions? May I ask your stance on this?
While many therapists believe they should be a complete “blank slate” in session, it’s okay if you want someone who you know shares your political or social views and many therapists will be open about this as the role of social justice in counseling becomes a bigger point of awareness in the profession.
Tip 5: Give Yourself Time
While it’s understandable that you want to get started soon - especially if you’re worried that you’ll lose momentum if you wait too long after finally deciding to find a therapist - allow for some time to find someone who is a good fit. After all, you’re not just committing your money to something. You’re looking to invest your time, your emotional and even physical energy, and the effort it will take to make the changes you want to see.
You may not find the therapist for you on the first call, and that’s okay. This is like considering a big purchase such as a car or computer. You want to feel confident that you made the right choice.
Feeling good about the person you’re working with is also going to help when you’re struggling to make the changes you want to see. Knowing the person you’ll be talking with is safe, supportive, but also working to help you grow will help you feel more motivated to do the work needed.
Which brings us to the next tip.
Tip 6: Don’t Be Afraid to Bring Up Problems
On the subject of making a big purchase, what would you do if you bought a car and it turned out to be a lemon or bought a computer and they sent you the wrong one? You’d try to return it, right?
Why should your therapist be any different?
A good therapist will be open to constructive criticism and will honestly prefer for you call them out on something that isn’t working than simply abandoning therapy.
For example, your therapist might slip-up and use the wrong pronouns if you start using new pronouns during your work together. While it may feel uncomfortable to do so, try not to let that discomfort pull you into staying silent. Correct them. Ideally, the therapy space should be one where you can feel safe in building the confidence to correct people when they use the wrong pronouns.
Another common reason people abandon therapy is when they decide the therapist’s style or technique isn’t working anymore. Do you need your therapist to challenge you more? Let them know. Do they have a go-to coping tool that just doesn’t do it for you? Let them know you need to try something different.
There might also come a time when you need to move on to a different therapist. You and your current therapist may have become so familiar with each other that nothing is really changing. Therapy may still feel helpful, but it’s not really making a difference in your life outside of the therapy space.
It helps you feel better, but is no longer helping you live better.
Maybe you’ve decided you need to address some past trauma and would like to try EMDR. While the therapeutic relationship is generally more important than the techniques used, as mentioned earlier, some techniques require special training and certification. If your current therapist can’t do that, it might be time to move on to someone new.
All this also assumes you have a good relationship with your therapist and it’s just time to end and move on. Sometimes, though, it’s just a bad fit. You may not feel supported by your therapist or feel like they don’t really know what they’re doing.
If that’s the case, it’s okay to move on and try someone different. The power of choice is yours and you’re too important to continue working with a therapist who isn’t really helping you or, worse, is causing you problems.
Tip 7: Trust Your Gut
Ultimately, all of this comes down to feeling like you have a good working professional relationship with your therapist. If something feels off, trust your instincts. A good therapist will be open to talking with you about how you’re feeling about therapy and making changes to help you continue to progress.
If they’re not, it’s time to move on – especially if they try to pressure you into staying or make it seem like the problem is you rather recognizing when something just isn’t working.
Bringing It All Together
Finding a therapist in general can feel like a daunting task, especially when you’re struggling and also taking that bold step to start therapy. Finding one who is knowledgeable and feels safe enough to open up about LGBTQ+ issues, or even work on anything with the added considerations of being a member of the community, can add extra challenge.
It’s important to remember, though, that you are the one with the power of choice. You want someone who you feel good about working with so that your therapy can be effective.
Are You Looking for LGBTQ+ Counseling in Arkansas?
MoonPath Counseling, LLC is a queer-owned mental health counseling practice offering telehealth counseling to serve you no matter where you are in the state of Arkansas. No commutes. No waiting around in an office with canned music and magazines from five years ago. Use the button below to schedule a free, 20-minute phone consultation to talk more. Or contact me by phone, text, or email.